Archive for February, 2010

Watching Paint Dry…NOW IN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Will Link

Eventually everything will be in 3D. Everything. Every movie, t.v. show, sporting event, political debate and Viagra commercial. Yup that middle aged man talking about his erectile dysfunction will feel like he is standing right next to you in your living room. Reach out and try to grab his boner…you can’t cause it’s not really there. It’s in 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright you already picked up on the fact that this is yet another blog that will make me sound 80 years old instead of 30 but hear me out. I’m serious about that Viagra ad. It’s a product that’s prime for 3D in your face jokes and with 3D televisions hitting the market why wouldn’t they make their ads in 3D…it would get people to watch commercials again. But rather than focus on 3D TV, other than to say I wouldn’t buy this product first generation, I’ll stick to film where it seems each day another movie is being released in 3D.

Last week James Cameron said something very true about Hollywood and their love of 3D:

“There’s an evolution, and people are starting to not accept inferior forms, which is good.  But it’s typical of Hollywood to get it wrong. We do a film that’s natively authored in 3D — it’s shot in 3D.  So they assume from the success of that, that they can just turn movies into 3D.  In 8 weeks.  You know, just throw a switch on 3D and that’s gonna work somehow.  If you wanna make a movie in 3D, MAKE the movie in 3D. It should be a filmmaker-driven process and not a studio-driven process.”

I think 3D is an overrated technology. Mostly it is gimmicky and does nothing for the storytelling. It’s an amusement park ride. Last year I saw three films in 3D. (I could have seen more but opted to see Up in traditional 2D. Pixar doesn’t need 3D to wow me.) One film I saw was The Final Destination 3D. This was the crappy amusement park ride and it was fine, low rent 3D that I would have hated or liked just as much in 2D. I also saw Coraline and I have to admit I was impressed by the 3D. And of course Avatar which I was also impressed with but questioned if I need 3D to actually be impressed by it (I meant to see it in 2D but never got a chance). Coraline and Avatar were the first 3D films I had ever seen in which they used 3D as a storytelling device. They were films about transporting you to another world thus the 3D could be relevant. Also, like King Cameron says these were both “filmmaker driven.” It was as much of a creative director’s choice as it is to shoot in color or black and white. Since I admire both Cameron and Henry Selick I figure see the films the way they meant them to be seen. It’s the same reason I will always go to the theater in the first place over seeing a film at home: All movies are made to be seen in a theater.

But here’s the problem. I just watched Coraline the other day on HBO and I was just as moved by it. I was just as awed by the visuals. Why? Because it’s a great film 3D or 2D. Did the 3D really transport me more into her world? Maybe, but I felt drawn in seeing it a second time on my t.v. In fact I’ve been drawn into 2D films my entire life. Was I immersed in the same way I was by 3D? Maybe not but why do I have to be totally immersed in the film? (beyond emotionally of course) There is a trend to try to make us feel like we are IN the movie. People love the Bourne films for that reason. I don’t like the Bourne films and that is one of the many reasons. Watching film to me is somewhat of a voyeuristic activity. I want to watch a film and watch these fictional characters lives. The Bourne films try to make you feel every punch to the point I can’t tell who’s throwing the punches. Give me the more straight forward shot action of Die Hard or a James Cameron film…even Avatar.

But maybe the 3D in Avatar did transport you as James Cameron intended. I can’t deny that I did feel like I was brought to another world. Great, James Cameron knows how to make a 3D film but guess who doesn’t – 99% of Hollywood. For every Coraline and Avatar there is going to be a Monsters vs. Aliens and Clash of the Titans. A few weeks ago the geniuses over at Warner Bros. decided to push Clash of the Titans back to convert it to 3D. This is exactly the type of move Cameron was complaining about in the quote. This movie was not filmed in 3D. It was never meant to be in 3D. And yet it will be released in 3D. This is 3D for a profit not to transport us anywhere. This is cheap 3D, just as cheap at The Final Destination. It’s the amusement park 3D and guess what – you’ll be paying amusement park prices to go see it. We are paying 3 or 4 bucks more per person to see these films in 3D and they are not going to all look like Avatar. How can a family afford to bring the kids to see the Shrek 3D movie? The prices are insane and I wonder if people will save their cash and only see the Avatars in 3D – you know the big artist driven spectaculars not some sloppy Clash of the Titans film. I hope people won’t just swallow any 3D they’re spoon fed.

That said many films are now being filmed in 3D. There is talk the new James Bond film will be made in 3D. I love Bond but will not pay to see him in 3D. I have seen twenty some odd Bond films in 2D. There is nothing visually transporting about Bond in 3D and if they turn it into a gimmick with Bond constantly leaping out of the screen that that’s just as bad as Jaws 3D. See, that’s the other thing that impressed me with Avatar and Coraline and why I am convinced they will have long lives on 2D DVD…they didn’t rely on shit jumping out at you. You felt surrounded by the world rather than have things constantly coming at you. In 2D that will still feel like it was filmed naturally but if things leap forward in the frame constantly in a 2D viewing then clearly the gimmick is over taking the storytelling. Toy Story 3 is in 3D. I will see it in 2D. As much as I respect Pixar I don’t need to go to the world of toys in 3D. I was awed enough in 2D with the first two films. I don’t think I will get anything new out of it nor will it drive the story more.      

Where does the 3D end? Some people say everything will be in 3D…but why? Does the new Woody Allen film need to be 3D? It would serve no purpose. Will I really feel like I’m right there on the upper east side of Manhattan? I mean when we say everything does that include those films? I can’t believe that. I gotta believe 3D will be for action and kid’s films…but maybe that’s being naïve.  There is talk of reissuing old films in 3D. If Lucas wants to make Star Wars in 3D, fine, that’s his decision but what’s going to happen when a studio wants to turn a film into 3D just for kicks and profit. Would Kubrick have been happy with a 3D 2001? And by turning it into 3D isn’t that a kin to colorization one of film histories most deplorable ideas!

And by the way if we are going to have everything in 3D please do something about the fucking glasses! We must have the glass technology if we have the 3D technology. It’s just uncomfortable wearing them for two hours or more. I already wear glasses so putting these glasses on top of my normal glasses is a real pain in the ass. Even though I was captivated by Avatar I still fiddled and was distracted simply by the fact I was wearing glasses! Who wants that for every movie? Once in awhile maybe but for everything? At home on your 3D TV too?  

I guess what I’m preaching for is 3D in moderation. To say it shouldn’t be around at all is silly. It’s a technology that’s out there and if filmmakers want to use it they should. But it’s getting out of control when theaters start charging so much more and studios are making a film 3D just because they can. It’s like Jeff Goldblum says in the 2D classic Jurassic Park:

“Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic but it’s kind of the same thing.

Next weekend one of my favorite stories of all time is being brought to the big screen by a director who I think is a true original. I am of course talking about Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. It’s in 3D and I wonder if seeing it in 2D would really diminish my enjoyment. It was filmed in 3D and it was an artist driven choice and it does try to “transport” us down the rabbit hole.  For those reasons I’ll probably see it in 3D. I’ll probably enjoy it. Then a few months from now I’ll probably enjoy it just as much at home, 2D, no glasses necessary.


5 Days A Week

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 22, 2010 by Will Link

The next statement cannot be written without the possibility of it making me sound obnoxious. This week will mark the first time since July 2005 that I will be working a five day work week. I don’t know how I’ll ever get through it.

Now I work freelance and have turned down many offers for fulltime employment over the past 4 ½ years. How can I afford to live this way? Many of my co-workers joke (?) that I have some sort of trust fund. I assure you I do not.  I’ve always been careful with money. I’m good at budgeting and had saved a lot before I moved to Los Angeles. I will admit that lately I’ve been spending a little more than I should which is why I’ve agreed to work a few extra shifts this week. I will also admit I fear this bubble must eventually burst.

First off I have little to no responsibility. I don’t have a wife, children or home. If I did working freelance would obviously be out of the question. Secondly I’m always guaranteed hours each week. I’m never waiting to see if there is work – there’s always work it’s just a matter of how much. But the real reason I don’t take a full time job is that this is not the life I signed up for. I refuse to work a master control position for the rest of my life. If I were to take a full time job the “job” would have its hooks in me and they may never let go.

As Conan reminded us all, we don’t always get the life we hoped for. I am a realist and understand that I may never sell a script or direct my dream project. I may never even get re-write work. That said I do know happiness is more than the job I have right now. I have always considered this just a place holder while I overly relied on my screenwriting and manager to help me get real work (or reel work… get it?). It is only now looking back that I have both relied on that too much and also possibly become too complacent in a freelance position.  This is why, as previously alluded to in my New Years blog, I must find new work. I don’t even mean work instead of my current job, I mean in addition to. I only work a few shifts a week – why not get another job, one that’s film related. I’m not even necessarily talking about for money, just something that will get me further into a world of film happiness. Let’s say I volunteered for a film festival or the American Cinematheque – I would be surrounded by new film savvy people and exposed to new opportunities. Some of those opportunities might even lead to day jobs that are more satisfying for the soul or even a way to make my own projects.

The problem is I have become impotent on how to do this. For 4 ½ years I put all my eggs in one basket – writing or more to the point my manager. He means well but doesn’t understand that I have lofty artistic goals and dreams. I still want to write big budget action films he can spec but what he doesn’t get is I want to make close to the heart emotional films about feelings (or as he calls them “pussy films”). I never believed in giving myself a back-up plan. My mother always wanted me to get a teaching degree…just in case. I refused because 1. I didn’t want to teach and B. if you give yourself a back-up plan, odds are you will settle for it.  But maybe I do need a back-up plan, just not the kind my mother thought of.

But back to my career impotency. With all my eggs in that basket I’ve lost touch with what kind of film work to look for. I’ve forgotten how to hustle. I’ve also forgotten how to get a project made. Back on Long Island I feel I could have gotten a crew and some second rate actors together and made myself a movie, for better or worse. How the hell do I do that now? I’ve lost my filmmaking mojo and am not sure what I need to do to get it back. Once I tried to raise money to make a film – how do I do that again? I’ve been making an effort to network more this year than the last few. Mostly I’ve met people who are in an even lower position on the Hollywood food chain than me! A recent sore throat prevented me from attending an event but I was told it was just part of the same.

I’ve been out of the game and I have to get back in it. Don’t rely on a shitty freelance job. Don’t rely on a manager. Let’s just hope I remember how. I’m open to suggestions.

In the meantime, one day down…four more to go.

Give Ebert An Oscar!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 19, 2010 by Will Link

 I love film probably more than I love anything on Earth. The movie theater is my church and I am never happier then when I’m sitting in the dark watching a story unfold on the big screen. When I think of all the people who have influenced my feelings and views on film – the people who have truly made me love this greatest of all art forms – I think of the real people in my life. My father, who brought me to the movies every weekend.  My high school film teacher, who first taught me how films were made. Then I think of the people I have never known. Spielberg and Lucas, whose films I grew up on. Kubrick, who was the filmmaker that truly made me realize that this was an art form. But when I really think about it the person who has had the biggest effect on my love of film, the person who made me see the art and the joy more than any other is Roger Ebert.  Ebert has probably exposed me to just as many films as my father, through his reviews taught me just as much about great filmmaking as my teachers and made me understand how seeing a great film can change your life.

Anyone who truly loves film has been touched in some way by Roger Ebert. He has been publishing reviews since 1967. I feel like as long as I’ve been watching films I’ve known the name Ebert. His print reviews are themselves a work of literary art. Every week I look forward to reading his thoughts on the latest new releases.  When you read one or even better if you read one of his Great Movie essays, you sense a man who not only has a reverence for the craft of filmmaking but for his profession as well. This would explain why Roger Ebert was the first person to win a Pulitzer Prize for criticism. It was through these essays I discovered and devoured the works of filmmakers like Werner Herzog and Billy Wilder. I couldn’t imagine a world in which I wasn’t exposed to films like Being There or Peeping Tom and I wonder if to this day if I wouldn’t have seen some of these titles if not for Mr. Ebert recommendation.

What I and of course everyone from my generation (and the one before) will remember most is the TV show Siskel & Ebert & The Movies. I grew up on that program as much as I grew up on Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. When I was young my father and I would watch it to see which films was worth seeing. When we were on the fence about something, Ebert’s thumbs up or down would usually make the final call. I liked Siskel but even at a young age I was always drawn to Ebert. The way he reviewed films seemed…well, fair. He always judged genera by genre. An action film against and action film, a kid’s film against a kid’s film. When he told me to go see Hoop Dreams I’d go see Hoop Dreams. When he told me to avoid North (and boy did he tell me to avoid North) I avoided North. Even after Siskel passed away, it would be years before I was able to call the show Ebert & Roper. But still there was Roger, telling me what to see, exposing me to more and more films. His show is the reason I saw Fargo, Happiness, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Ghost World and Mulholland Dr. just to name a few favorites. The legacy that he left with his show, even after he was gone from it, pushed me to see films like Once and most recently Fish Tank (which his print review only helps solidify its greatness). All those hours of joy given to me and millions others. 

I think about all he has done for film and filmmakers. How many indie directors’ careers have been made by supportive reviews of Roger Ebert? As someone who dreams and struggles to make films, I always felt I would know I had made it when Ebert reviewed my work. Thumbs up or down…that would be the dream.

So now you are wondering what is the point of this over long love letter to the greatest film critic of all time.  Well if this is how I feel, I’m sure there are millions more – both in and out of the film industry – that feel just as strongly about Roger Ebert. As we all know over the past four years he has suffered from many health issues. He can no longer speak but his print reviews are as powerful and plentiful as ever:

His blog has become a great source of learning more about the man personally. He no longer writes just about film but about politics, religion and everything else that comes to his mind. Rather than get into his health problems here, I strongly recommend this amazingly intimate article from Esquire: 

The sad fact is we won’t have Roger Ebert around forever. He has been as important as almost anyone in the history of film. He has been a great ambassador for the art of filmmaking and has exposed more people to film criticism than anyone who has ever lived. That is why I strongly believe he should be given the highest honor you can receive in film – The Academy Award.

Give Roger Ebert an Honorary Oscar!

According to Wikipedia:  The Academy Honorary Award, instituted in 1948 for the 21st Academy Awards (previously called the Special Award), is given by the discretion of the Board of Governors of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) to celebrate motion picture achievements that are not covered by existing Academy Awards

To me Ebert fits the criteria. Some purists may say since he doesn’t actually have anything to do with film production (save Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) he shouldn’t qualify. Hell, Ebert himself might agree. But I beg to differ. “…to celebrate motion picture achievements that are not covered by existing Academy Awards.” Ebert’s words have helped films stay in our memories and garner an audience just as much as anyone involved in the production. To me that should qualify as celebrating motion picture achievements.  I mean the DGA has given him an Honorary Life Member Award and he’s not a director…why not an Oscar? And this would not open the door for just any supposed “outsider” to march in and win an award – there is only one Roger Ebert. In an age when idiots like me can post any review of anything they want online, there will probably never be another critic as important or influential as him again.

I truly believe this man deserves to be honored by the industry that he spent his whole life writing about. In his reviews and blogs its clear Ebert is at peace with his own mortality. I hope he knows just how many lives he has touched.

I say we make sure he does.

Sarah Hughes

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 16, 2010 by Will Link

   With the Winter Olympics in full swing I wanted to remind everyone of the greatest Winter Olympic moment I ever saw. Granted I don’t go out of my way to watch many Olympic events and when I do it’s usually because such a big national deal is made that I need to see for myself (Nancy Kerrigan or Michael Phelps come to mind). This moment I just caught by chance and it’s one of those rare sports moments that I will never forget.

I was home one night in 2002 and my mom was watching the Olympic Women’s Long Program Figure Skating. I decided that I’d stay in, relax and watch it with her. I never minded women’s figure skating because there is such elegance and grace to it. That said I was only half interested because I know nothing about figure skating and other than blindly pulling for team USA I didn’t know anything about the competitors.

Then Sarah Hughes came out to skate. She was a 16 year old girl from Long Island. I know nothing of skating but I know when I see something great. I was so drawn in, so taken aback by her performance. It truly was a thing of beauty. I would get into the details but I don’t really know how to explain figure skating moves (triple salchows???). Greatness is greatness and even if you don’t have a knowledge of what you are watching you will always be able to realize when you see something amazing. This goes for art, sports and history in general.

She had been ranked 4th going into this program so I stayed glued to the television to make sure she won the gold. Every other skater who followed paled in comparison, including Michelle Kwan. Finally at the end of the night Sarah Hughes had won Olympic gold. It was one of the single great sports moments I had witnessed and it was in a sport that hours earlier I could have cared less about.

So please check out the performance below. Even knowing the outcome see if it gives you the same chills it gave me that night in 2002:

And this…her reaction upon winning the gold:

Thumb Wars

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on February 15, 2010 by Will Link


Megan Fox has an ugly thumb.

Let me say this: If you are looking at Megan Fox’s thumb then you are missing the point of Megan Fox.

During the Super Bowl Miss Fox was featured in a commercial for a phone. It was one of the better ads during the game mostly because it featured her in a bathtub and made a masturbation joke. However, the next day on the internets all I saw were people posting photos of a close up used in the ad. In one shot Megan is pushing buttons with her thumb…a long slender thumb. Clearly this was not her thumb…it was in fact a thumb double. Megan has a clubbed thumb. It’s short and stumpy and in no way should make a difference. In fact I wish the ad had featured her real thumb thus outing it to the world! “I have a clubbed thumb and I’m proud of it!” or she could say “Is this ugly thumb really going to make you stop thinking about me while you’re fucking your girlfriend?”

The book is still out on if Megan Fox can act. She herself admits the Transformers films are not about acting and Jennifer’s Body was a fun enough role for her but not really something with range. She probably is, like Jessica Alba or Biel before her, a pretty face that won’t sink your film as long as she doesn’t have too much heavy lifting to do. What the book isn’t out on is that she is hot. She is in fact ridiculously so…one of the few women who live up to her hype. Now she’s not my favorite, I happen to think there are better looking women out there – that said Megan is someone I can get onboard with the rest of society thinking is super duper hot.  That’s why people’s attitudes about this thumb thing drive me crazy. I know more men than I should who claim they would want nothing to do with her because that fucking thumb freaks them out. What becomes frustrating is that obviously they’re lying and yet when you call them out on that they become enraged. Apparently their standards are sooo high that they can turn down this beautiful woman.

Another reason people are jumping all over her thumb is because she is on top. People see her being sold to us as the hottest woman in Hollywood so they have to take her down a few pegs. There is this strange fascination with us trying to kill the person at the top as if it will make us feel better about ourselves. Being a Yankees fan I guess I’ve never understood this. When Avatar was about to come out I read a lot of people wanted to see James Cameron fail. Why? Why would you want to see anyone fail? What joy will that bring your pathetic life? You don’t even know him. In the early 90’s it was the same thing with Kevin Costner. He was in hit after hit after hit. When the bubble finally burst with Water World I remember hearing people say “it’s about time.” I’ve always been a Costner apologist. The Untouchables, Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, JFK, Robin Hood and Dances with Wolves are all classics and it can’t be a coincidence that Costner was in all of them – even if he isn’t Brando he was contributing something. Unless they do something really terrible in life, I can’t understand why we have to knock people down? It’s not like Megan Fox came out and publicly said she was so much hotter than anyone else?  Then I can understand a backlash more. (to be fair Cameron did say he was “king of the world” but come on, it was just a line from his own movie…a movie you probably loved)

Is Megan Fox’s thumb not the most attractive thumb in the world? Of course it’s not. But does that make her any less beautiful? We all have physical flaws. It’s those imperfections that make us unique and in many ways more beautiful. I’ve always like a small imperfection on a woman. Maybe it’s a slight bump on her nose. Maybe it’s an eye that is ever so slightly wonky. These little things are what make her well, her.

And that’s all Megan’s thumb is…a little thing.

A Lazy Blog Trip Down Memory Lane

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on February 13, 2010 by Will Link

I just got a MySpace message from a co-worker this morning. I hadn’t opened my MySpace in quite some time (what was it that Seth Meyers called MySpace…the internet’s abandoned amusement park) but decided to take a look at my old old blogs. For a brief time I posted shit there and noticed I had a blog about dating I wrote 4 years ago. Guess what…things are almost exactly the same! Granted I think my references might be different if I used them today but you do see a burgeoning hatred of online communication brewing. Also I much more strongly want to meet someone then I allude to in the last passages of this blog mainly because I do think I found, all be it fleeting, love after writing this.

Still, it being a day before Valentine’s Day I thought it might be a nice companion piece to my last blog entry. Plus it’s fun to look at past views and see how they might have changed – especially in the love department. (Also it will be fun to see if I get the same comments) 

Call it being lazy or call it just taking a trip down memory lane but I decided to post it again. Uneditied — although I really wish I could take some stuff out.

Friday, February 24, 2006 

   Anyone want to grab a cup of coffee?  

I keep meaning to write blogs. Blogs about my annoying job. Blogs about writing scripts. As always I have a ton to complain about. But every time I sit down to write one I seem to procrastinate and instead watch a movie or look up shit on the imdb. Because of this I realize more and more shit has to be added to the blog because more and more shit keeps happening. So I vow to start writing more blogs like I did in the old days, when I had both of my loyal readers anticipating a new rant. I will write the blogs about my scripts and jobs and living in LA. But first thing is first let’s get back to what the best (read: most depressing) blogs were always about … women.

 Since moving to LA I have asked many many questions of importance to my new friends:

 Would you rather date the blind or the deaf? The answer is deaf.

 Why aren’t bidets more popular? They really are more sanitary.

 What’s the best super power? Telepathy of course.

But today I asked young Mr. Garcia a real big question: Have you in your life ever really seen love? Like real love? Did you grow up with people who loved each other? Do you look at your friends and say “wow they are so in love”? Do you know what love is? I think if you really think about it most of you will sadly say no. Sure your friends are all lovey dovey out at the bar with you — but you don’t really see the private moments that really make what they have work. Your parents — most of them were far past the honeymoon when you were growing up. I came from the product of a divorce. This is why I am both creative and neurotic as all fuck. I wouldn’t have this any other way. But now in my twenties the best examples of what I think love is come from Woody Allen films … and none of you fucking people are any better off (granted less neurotic but not better off).

It seems most people I meet are either love lorn or commitment-phobes. Could this be because we didn’t really get that sense of love in youth — half of us try too hard to find it because we lacked it and the other half stay away from it because it is foreign to them. And I made a comment before about films, but seriously aren’t all the guys out there looking for Amelie to walk into their lives and are the girls looking for Lloyd Dobler. Aren’t things like that the best examples of knowing what love is? Film?  And how fucked up is that?  

Now that’s something to think about — where have you seen real love? In theory it’s all about trying to make a connection to another human being (rent “Me and You and Everyone We Know” by the way) and seeing something in them that you want to hold on to and be a part of your life. Not just something that is missing from the being that is YOU, cause that would just be compensating … I mean something deeper that someone of my small brain can’t pretend communicate right now. Sometimes you’ll only make a new friend to love in a different way out of the deal … sometimes there will be more.

But how do we make that connection. In this day and age can you? Through MySpace??? I guess it’s better than nothing but I think it’s a little sad that as human beings we have evolved to this point where physical interaction, even hearing someone’s voice on the other end of a phone, is reduced to photo comments that read “I’d like to git me some o dat!!!”

We live in a day and age where everyone is afraid of this interaction. You ask a girl to grab coffee and then a wall comes up. You’re not asking to see her naked (yet) you’re just asking for coffee … and yet it’s like you’re a creep for asking this. You want to just SEE if you can make a connection to this person. Get coffee, chat it up. If you hit it off great, if not well you had a cup of coffee and met another lost soul out there in this cold cold world. Granted there are psychos who ruin this for everyone for both sexes … but life is about risk and why let some weirdos get in the way of life. This is also the reason the cold approach is dead. Let’s say I was at a bookstore and I overheard a girl talking about the book Assassination Vacation and how she loved it. Then I make a comment to her about how much I too enjoy the writing of Sarah Vowell. She will look at me as if I just raped her mother. Granted if a strange woman, who looked like Scarlett Johansson, came up to me I might look at her as if she had two heads — because this is how society is now. Society is cold about dating thus cold about relationships thus cold about love. They are all connected. Why go out on a date when you could just pop a pill?

Granted I am not much better, but I admit I am just as messed up as we all are.

*On a personal note about women though, it seems to me we really live in an age where woman seem to feel they don’t need men thus (homosexuals excluded) they don’t need to make that connection. I say bullshit. We all need these things and although I agree with the idea that you’re going to do things for you for once in your life, making a human connection with the opposite sex should be on the list even if it’s last. A real honest connection. Physical, emotional, whatever it may be … make one. Its part of what life is about. Same goes for all you schmuck men out there — not that I think there are any men who walk around saying they don’t need women. However many of them don’t handle their need for them in the right way.

I can only use myself as an example cause I am me, but all I can say is I don’t know what I want. I write, I work, I hang out with friends — these are things that consume me the most right now. Do I want a relationship? To meet the girl of my dreams? We all want that and if I find it tomorrow, great … but a relationship isn’t what is needed the most right now.

What I want more than anything is to just go get that cup of coffee and see if a friendly encounter can lead to the connection for a second cup.

VD Day

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 9, 2010 by Will Link

Valentine’s Day is coming up this Sunday, and I don’t just mean the movie which just looks like a cheap American Love Actually. I mean the holiday that forces love down our throats and makes those of us who are “alone” feel like less of a human being. What will I be doing this V-day? What I always do on a Sunday night, drink heavily at Sardo’s the karaoke bar in Burbank. I’ll probably sing a few choice selections about love. “One” by Three Dog Night, “Ever Fallen in Love…” by the Buzzcocks, maybe even some “Train in Vain” by The Clash. During the day maybe I’ll watch (500) Days of Summer and remember my own Summer Finn the lovely *******  ****** (name redacted for embarrassment sake)

But this isn’t a blog about how love is awful or how Valentine’s Day is just a made up greeting card holiday. I think in theory it’s a sweet idea for a day. We should have a day to express the love we have for our significant other. My personal issue is that even when in recent years I’ve been dating someone I never seem to have a date on Valentines.  Right now I find it as hard as ever to meet someone. I’ve tried the online dating and obviously it didn’t take. I met some nice people and dated one person for a few months but ultimately I found it hard to connect.

But maybe online dating is the only way to meet someone. When you go out, no one wants to be bothered. They are all in their little worlds with their little group of friends. These women are out having fun and not looking to meet anyone. I go to Sardo’s every week. It’s my home turf. I’m comfortable there and over the years I’ve tried to talk to more than a few women who show up. The easy in is to comment on the song…  “Hey I love the way you warbled through “Before He Cheats.” I’ve never heard anyone sing that before at karaoke.” That said with the exception on a very cute lesbian (who after an hour reveled to me she was a lesbian) all the women there always seem cold and aloof. You can argue it’s my approach but after 5 years you think I would have gotten one date from hanging out at this place. When women go out they just want to have a girl’s night…and I can’t penetrate that.

The further issue is sometimes I don’t know what I want anymore. Yes I want the white picket fence American dream (well at least my version of it) with a loving wife and children but I’d rather have short sexually based relationships than nothing at all. Since those are easier to find (yes even for me) I have resigned myself to taking what I can get for now and hoping I’ll eventually fall ass backwards into the perfect woman who loves bacon, Peter Sellers films and jokes about child molestation. She’s out there…I know it.

Maybe going out to Sardo’s this V-Day will be different. Maybe there will be some just as ever desperate woman and this night will be the one night they will let their guard down long enough to give me a chance. God…I don’t know if this sounds more pathetic or creepy. In the meantime I propose this one word to all my single and lonely friends out there: Orgy!

Here me out. We all meet up at Sardo’s this Sunday night looking for love. If by closing time we haven’t met anyone, we truck it back to my place to at least fulfill our base animal urges and feel just a smidgen better than we did before. Then the next morning we can all go out to breakfast and try to pretend it never happened. Come on. What do you say? How much Jack Daniels is it going to take to get this orgy going?

Cut to early Monday morning. A bunch of my guy friends and me sitting around my living room, pants-less, wondering where the women are.

Yup…it’s going to be that kind of Valentine’s Day.